Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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