Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
