You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
