either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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