drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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