She said her name was "party"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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