She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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