next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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