I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
