we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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