Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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