So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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