so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
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