You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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