Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
