I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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