god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
3 2 1 whiskey
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
