Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize