The maid of honor just puked.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
