Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
