also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
