it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
