So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
