Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
