Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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