I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
