I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
