I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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