I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
