If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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