I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
