We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
