great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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