yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
