Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
