why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
