Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
