she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Come share oat with me in your robe
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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