i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
