never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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