woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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