you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
