Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I still have a little drunk in my system
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
