something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
