So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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