oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
