you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
