Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
