I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
