I wish I could teleport
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
