He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize