I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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