if you like me you must not know who I am
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize