we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
