I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
