i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
