some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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