i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
