would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
