he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
