I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
