just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
