Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
