No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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