You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
