Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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