You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
