Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
