That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Less talking, more tequila
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
