the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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