Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this just has baby written all over it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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