I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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