I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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