The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
