I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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