I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
